Wednesday, March 28, 2012

words.

I've had a lot of emotions running through me lately and I feel like the best way for me to express them is through words. This last year has been one of the toughest. I guess you could say there has been a lot of change in my life. I found out we were pregnant with baby Navy and as excited as I was to have a little girl, the hormones definitely came rushing in and I never have felt so down before. I should have been excited (which I truly was) but it was really hard to show or express my excitement. I was hurt. I felt alone and I felt forgotten. 
I never really thought anything of the baby blues until I experienced them for myself. They are awful. And they are still here. Better, but still around. I am just not myself and I don't like it. It's been really hard feeling this way while being treated like you don't exist. I'm trying to move forward and taking one day at a time. 
On top of not being myself or in my real element, i lost something. I have learned a lot. Your true friends stay with you no matter what. They understand your trials, they love you and genuinely care about you.
I'm terrified for Navy to grow up and make girl friends. I don't want her to ever feel hurt or taken advantage of. I don't want her to ever feel the way I have felt this last year. No one deserves that. No one deserves to feel left in the dust and brushed under the rug. Alone. No one deserves to not feel appreciated or used. 
I have prayed for strength and prayed for me feeling down to go away. Losing a friend hurts and I feel like a part of me will be missing forever. My prayers have helped and been answered in the simplest of ways but it's hard to just let go of something that has been a part of you for years now.
I'm starting to feel at peace and hopefully these baby blues go away sooner than later. I know i am a good person, a good friend and i know what my motivations are. I only have good intentions and know that we all can be misunderstood sometimes.
I'm grateful I have my sisters and my mom who are my best friends. I love each and every one of them and feel so blessed that we are all so close to one another. They have all helped lift me up this last year and are great examples to me. I strive to be more like them every day. 
I truly cherish the great friendships I have made. I am thankful for those knowing my situation and being there for me. There when I need them the most. Without you, I don't know how I would be getting through this.

   

10 comments:

  1. So sorry you have to deal with all of that including the baby blues. I had them for about a month and it was so awful :( If you ever need anything or need to talk let me know:) xoxo

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  2. Add the baby blues onto what you have been through and I can't imagine the hurt and pain. You are awesome! Love you Jenny!

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  3. Jenny you are such an amazing friend! Seriously the things you do for other people is incredible! You think about others all the time. Really you are a great example to me. I love having you as my sister in law! I am excited to live closer to you guys one day.

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  4. I love you Jenny!

    Love,
    Peach :-)

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  5. Oh Jenny. You are such a wonderful lovely friend and person! It's obvious you're an incredible mother, but don't forget that you as an individual are so loved even by those that don't know you as well as they'd like! Hang in there. I'm so glad you have such a great family to stick by you.

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  6. You are seriously amazing!! I know you get sick of me saying this but we all strive just to keep up with you :) you are beautiful and have the best family around. You are one of the most giving people I know and have such a pure heart. You are such a great mommy and awesome example to me. Love you friend!

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  7. Jenny, i know how yoy are feeling with having the baby blues, i had them after i had both my girls, my second was way worse, it put in such a depression where i felt alone all the time. I ended up going to see my doctor and he started giving me a vitamin b shot every week and that seemed to help, i also started working out to relieve stress and release endorphines, it took me about 5 months to start feeling normal again. I havent seen you and wyatt in a couple years but it seems like you guys are doing great, you have a beautiful family. You are also so very blessed to have your mom and sisters so close to you, living away from mine has been a constant hardship on me, its hard finding true friends who get you and who you can truely connect with and wont judge you. I felt the need to comment because things havent been easy for me lately either but all we can do is rely on the lord. Hope you start feeling better soon!

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  8. Jenny, i know how yoy are feeling with having the baby blues, i had them after i had both my girls, my second was way worse, it put in such a depression where i felt alone all the time. I ended up going to see my doctor and he started giving me a vitamin b shot every week and that seemed to help, i also started working out to relieve stress and release endorphines, it took me about 5 months to start feeling normal again. I havent seen you and wyatt in a couple years but it seems like you guys are doing great, you have a beautiful family. You are also so very blessed to have your mom and sisters so close to you, living away from mine has been a constant hardship on me, its hard finding true friends who get you and who you can truely connect with and wont judge you. I felt the need to comment because things havent been easy for me lately either but all we can do is rely on the lord. Hope you start feeling better soon!

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  9. I love you Jenney! I am sending support from the desert :) You are amazing, and even after all these years I *still* consider you one of the best friends I've ever had. x0x0

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  10. Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry. Sorry you're so stinkin' amazing that clearly somebody is just plain jealous and mean!! I hope the postpartum stuff gets better. And I'm serious, you're amazing and you've got a good head on your shoulders. Wyatt and your babies are so lucky to have you!

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