I've had a lot of emotions running through me lately and I feel like the best way for me to express them is through words. This last year has been one of the toughest. I guess you could say there has been a lot of change in my life. I found out we were pregnant with baby Navy and as excited as I was to have a little girl, the hormones definitely came rushing in and I never have felt so down before. I should have been excited (which I truly was) but it was really hard to show or express my excitement. I was hurt. I felt alone and I felt forgotten.
I never really thought anything of the baby blues until I experienced them for myself. They are awful. And they are still here. Better, but still around. I am just not myself and I don't like it. It's been really hard feeling this way while being treated like you don't exist. I'm trying to move forward and taking one day at a time.
On top of not being myself or in my real element, i lost something. I have learned a lot. Your true friends stay with you no matter what. They understand your trials, they love you and genuinely care about you.
I'm terrified for Navy to grow up and make girl friends. I don't want her to ever feel hurt or taken advantage of. I don't want her to ever feel the way I have felt this last year. No one deserves that. No one deserves to feel left in the dust and brushed under the rug. Alone. No one deserves to not feel appreciated or used.
I have prayed for strength and prayed for me feeling down to go away. Losing a friend hurts and I feel like a part of me will be missing forever. My prayers have helped and been answered in the simplest of ways but it's hard to just let go of something that has been a part of you for years now.
I'm starting to feel at peace and hopefully these baby blues go away sooner than later. I know i am a good person, a good friend and i know what my motivations are. I only have good intentions and know that we all can be misunderstood sometimes.
I'm grateful I have my sisters and my mom who are my best friends. I love each and every one of them and feel so blessed that we are all so close to one another. They have all helped lift me up this last year and are great examples to me. I strive to be more like them every day.
I truly cherish the great friendships I have made. I am thankful for those knowing my situation and being there for me. There when I need them the most. Without you, I don't know how I would be getting through this.
7 months ago